{"title":"Himawari Keep","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"the-horrors-are-never-ending-shirt","title":"'The Horrors Are Never Ending' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors are, in fact, never ending but you didn't need a shirt to tell you that. You did, however, need a shirt to tell everyone else how you're handling it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the unofficial uniform of everyone who's watched the world fall apart and responded by sending memes about it. People will read your chest, exhale through their nose, and say \"honestly, same.\" It's self-aware existential dread in the most wearable format possible. And somehow that's comforting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors aren't stopping. Neither should you. Add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44578480717881,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44578480750649,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44578480783417,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44578480816185,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44578480848953,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/The_Horrors_Are_Never_Ending_Shirt_a8da1bff-92f6-4540-9cc3-88037ae0d445.jpg?v=1777937716"},{"product_id":"abandon-my-humanity-shirt","title":"'Abandon My Humanity' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome days you're a functional adult. Some days you're seriously considering becoming a crab. Low center of gravity, no emotional vulnerability, armored on all sides: the arrangement is looking pretty good from here. Let the scuttling begin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou don't have to be a person forever. The option to become a crab remains open.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624172023865,"sku":"44624172023865","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624172056633,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624172089401,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624172122169,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624172154937,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Abandon_My_Humanity_Shirt.jpg?v=1777406127"},{"product_id":"get-this-bread-shirt","title":"'Get This Bread' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNo one represents hustle culture better than pigeons. This is the shirt for anyone who's out here grinding but refuses to be serious about it. Wear it to work. Wear it to brunch. Watch people read it twice and then immediately ask where you got it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe bread isn't going to get itself.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624173137977,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624173170745,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624173203513,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624173236281,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624173269049,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Get_This_Bread_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385144"},{"product_id":"taking-my-leave-shirt","title":"'Taking My Leave' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou said the weird thing. Everyone heard it. Now it's time to go. If you've ever texted \"sorry if that was weird\" more than once in a week, this shirt is already yours spiritually — you're just making it official. People will read it and immediately think of a specific moment in their own life. That's how you know it works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou've made it awkward. Might as well memorialize it with a shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624173891641,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624173924409,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624173957177,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624173989945,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624174022713,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Taking_My_Leave_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385189"},{"product_id":"anguish-shirt","title":"'Anguish' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eA pigeon, captioned with a single devastating word. Nothing could portray anguish better than this pigeon. If you look up 'anguish' in the encyclopedia, there's a picture of this pigeon. If you look up 'pigeon' in the encyclopedia, there's a picture of some other pigeon because this particular pigeon's special due to its unique emotional depth of suffering. No one's going through it harder than this pigeon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBe the pigeon. Feel the anguish. Buy the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624174317625,"sku":"44624174317625","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624174350393,"sku":"44624174350393","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624174383161,"sku":"44624174383161","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624174415929,"sku":"44624174415929","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624174448697,"sku":"44624174448697","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Anguish_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385129"},{"product_id":"countless-horrors-shirt","title":"'Countless Horrors' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe world is a nightmare but there's mozzarella sticks at the end of it, so here we are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the life philosophy no one asked you to put on a shirt, but honestly it needed to be said. We're all just rats in an eldritch hellscape chasing whatever our cheese is. And the ones who know it are funnier than the ones who don't. This shirt tells people exactly where your priorities are. They'll respect it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors aren't going anywhere. The cheese won't wait forever.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783020089,"sku":"44712783020089","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783052857,"sku":"44712783052857","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783085625,"sku":"44712783085625","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783118393,"sku":"44712783118393","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783151161,"sku":"44712783151161","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Countless_Horrors_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385140"},{"product_id":"got-that-dog-shirt","title":"'Got That Dog' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\"Got that dog in me\" is a bold claim from someone whose top speed maxes out at 0.2 mph.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis design gets you: the grindset energy of a creature that takes 45 minutes to cross a yard. If you've ever described yourself as \"motivated\" while still in bed at 2pm, this is your shirt. Expect people to read it, look at the turtle, and laugh harder than they expected to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou'll get to the checkout eventually. No rush.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783183929,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783216697,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783249465,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783282233,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783315001,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Got_That_Dog_Shirt_bdc482be-3242-42a8-904a-f441dc3cc111.jpg?v=1777385593"},{"product_id":"fake-your-death-shirt","title":"'Fake Your Death' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eOpossums have been doing this for millennia. Play dead, the predator loses interest, life continues. This opossum has updated the technique for modern threats: get hit by a car, become legally undead, transcend bureaucracy. An elegant solution. Full commitment to the bit. A masterclass in dodging your responsibilities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose fight-or-flight response skipped both and went straight to opossum protocol.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783347769,"sku":"WC-FAKEYOURDEATH-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783380537,"sku":"WC-FAKEYOURDEATH-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783413305,"sku":"WC-FAKEYOURDEATH-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783446073,"sku":"WC-FAKEYOURDEATH-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783478841,"sku":"WC-FAKEYOURDEATH-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Fake_Your_Death_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385142"},{"product_id":"may-be-dumb-shirt","title":"'May Be Dumb' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe most honest thing you'll wear all week. There's a confidence to admitting this publicly. It's disarming, it's stupid in the best way, and you already know at least three people in your life who need one too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou may be dumb. But you're not too dumb to hit add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783544377,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783577145,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783609913,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783642681,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783675449,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/May_Be_Dumb_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385164"},{"product_id":"overstepped-my-boundaries-shirt","title":"'Overstepped My Boundaries' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe goose has crossed a line. The goose is aware of this. Rather than apologize, the goose has decided to frame the incident as \"being a silly goose.\" Everyone knows what the goose did. The goose's defense is disarmingly cute. Somehow, it's going to work. It always does.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose go-to apology is \"oopsie\" and who have weaponized being harmless-looking.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783708217,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783740985,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783773753,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783806521,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783839289,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Overstepped_My_Boundaries_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402610"},{"product_id":"videographic-entertainment-shirt","title":"'Videographic Entertainment' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe rabbit has tried eating in silence. It found it unbearable. The rabbit now requires, at minimum, an episode of something playing on a second screen in order to digest. This is not weakness. This is the modern condition. Silent meals are for monks. The rabbit is not a monk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who cannot remember the last time they ate without something playing in the background.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712784035897,"sku":"WC-VIDEOENTER-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712784068665,"sku":"WC-VIDEOENTER-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712784101433,"sku":"WC-VIDEOENTER-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712784134201,"sku":"WC-VIDEOENTER-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712784166969,"sku":"WC-VIDEOENTER-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Videographic_Entertainment_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402628"},{"product_id":"shackles-of-society-shirt","title":"'Shackles of Society' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe crab is philosophically correct. It has identified the chains. The crab, tragically, is still clipped by the claw, still at the seafood counter, still very much in the system. Freedom is a concept the crab understands intellectually and will not be achieving today. 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Everyone is being very polite about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose apologies have a certain wink-and-nod quality, for reasons they'd rather not get into.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785215545,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785248313,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785281081,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785313849,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785346617,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Thanks_Your_Honor_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385191"},{"product_id":"botched-the-ritual-shirt","title":"'Botched The Ritual' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou followed the instructions. 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The memoir will sell.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who've started narrating their own bad luck in a documentary voice.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785575993,"sku":"44712785575993","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785608761,"sku":"44712785608761","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785641529,"sku":"44712785641529","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785674297,"sku":"44712785674297","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785707065,"sku":"44712785707065","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Keep_Me_Entertained_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402606"},{"product_id":"reject-humanity-shirt","title":"'Reject Humanity' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe plan is simple. 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Get in while the molting is good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who have done the math and found crabs doing better at this.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785739833,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785772601,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785805369,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785838137,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785870905,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Reject_Humanity_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385179"},{"product_id":"severe-case-shirt","title":"'Severe Case' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the shirt for everyone who's moved past anger, past bargaining, past all of it, and landed somewhere between acceptance and a shrug. The skeleton gets it. You get it. The people who read your shirt will get it, pause, and then say \"yeah, same.\" There's no recovering from this diagnosis, baby. It's terminal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eIt is what it is. 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This pigeon wants flesh. It has had a long think about where it's at in life and has decided it would like to be feared. There is nothing you can do about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the pigeon-watchers who always suspected there was something more going on.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44806901497913,"sku":"44806901497913","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44806901530681,"sku":"44806901530681","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44806901563449,"sku":"44806901563449","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44806901596217,"sku":"44806901596217","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44806901628985,"sku":"44806901628985","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Accursed_Flesh_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402591"},{"product_id":"evil-by-choice-shirt","title":"'Evil By Choice' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eNo excuses, no tragic backstory making this inevitable. 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Looked at the options, picked this one, and stomping continues on purpose.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who are sick of everyone blaming their star sign.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44806907134009,"sku":"WC-EVILBYCHOICE-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44806907166777,"sku":"WC-EVILBYCHOICE-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44806907199545,"sku":"WC-EVILBYCHOICE-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44806907232313,"sku":"WC-EVILBYCHOICE-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44806907265081,"sku":"WC-EVILBYCHOICE-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/CopyofCopyofUntitledDesign-114.png?v=1756134691"},{"product_id":"harbinger-of-awkward-situations-shirt","title":"'Harbinger of Awkward Situations' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome harbingers announce doom, plague, the end of empires. 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