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It's the shirt equivalent of smiling through a disaster, and honestly, people will relate to it harder than they'd like to admit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eEverything's terrible. 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Adding \"only honks\" is an improvement no political theorist saw coming but everyone needed. Anarchism needed a mascot and the goose was already doing the work. Geese have never once respected authority. People will either get it instantly or stare at it confused, and both reactions are correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eReject hierarchy. Embrace honk. Add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":43460299980857,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":43460300013625,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":43460300046393,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":43460300079161,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":43460300111929,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/No_Gods_No_Masters_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385172"},{"product_id":"bottle-up-your-feelings-shirt","title":"'Bottle Up Your Feelings' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis one hits different depending on who's reading it, and that's the whole point. Wear it to brunch. Wear it to a protest. Wear it to therapy. It works everywhere because feelings work everywhere. Especially the ones you probably should have dealt with sooner.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNow channel those feelings in to buying this shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":43549727227961,"sku":"WC-BOTTLEUPFEELINGS-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":43549727260729,"sku":"WC-BOTTLEUPFEELINGS-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":43549727293497,"sku":"WC-BOTTLEUPFEELINGS-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":43549727326265,"sku":"WC-BOTTLEUPFEELINGS-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":43549727359033,"sku":"WC-BOTTLEUPFEELINGS-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Bottle_Up_Your_Feelings_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385133"},{"product_id":"the-horrors-are-never-ending-shirt","title":"'The Horrors Are Never Ending' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors are, in fact, never ending but you didn't need a shirt to tell you that. You did, however, need a shirt to tell everyone else how you're handling it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the unofficial uniform of everyone who's watched the world fall apart and responded by sending memes about it. People will read your chest, exhale through their nose, and say \"honestly, same.\" It's self-aware existential dread in the most wearable format possible. And somehow that's comforting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors aren't stopping. Neither should you. Add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44578480717881,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44578480750649,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44578480783417,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44578480816185,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44578480848953,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/The_Horrors_Are_Never_Ending_Shirt_a8da1bff-92f6-4540-9cc3-88037ae0d445.jpg?v=1777937716"},{"product_id":"yeah-no-shirt","title":"'Yeah, No' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eClassic frog stew visual. The water is warm, and getting warmer. The frog has noticed and is dealing with it by saying, firmly and unconvincingly, that it's fine. You have said this sentence. You said it this morning. You will say it again before the end of the week.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose default response to anything is \"no, totally, all good.\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624169041977,"sku":"44624169041977","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624169074745,"sku":"44624169074745","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624169107513,"sku":"44624169107513","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624169140281,"sku":"44624169140281","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624169173049,"sku":"44624169173049","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Yeah_No_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390934"},{"product_id":"be-kind-of-annoying-shirt","title":"'Be Kind Of Annoying' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eNot a lot annoying. Just a little. Kinda. Just enough that people remember you were there. The opossum has mastered this setting. You don't have to commit to being outright unpleasant: you just have to be \u003cem\u003ejuuust\u003c\/em\u003e enough of a nuisance to be memorable. It's a sweet spot. The opossum lives there. You should visit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the people who show up late but bring snacks so it's fine.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624170156089,"sku":"WC-ANNOYING-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624170188857,"sku":"WC-ANNOYING-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624170221625,"sku":"WC-ANNOYING-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624170254393,"sku":"WC-ANNOYING-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624170287161,"sku":"WC-ANNOYING-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Be_Kind_Of_Annoying_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390904"},{"product_id":"to-whom-it-may-concern-shirt","title":"'To Whom It May Concern' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe letter opens formally. 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The cat also knows what it actually wants to say.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose out-of-office replies have been workshopped for maximum passive aggression.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624171008057,"sku":"44624171008057","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624171040825,"sku":"44624171040825","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624171073593,"sku":"44624171073593","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624171106361,"sku":"44624171106361","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624171139129,"sku":"44624171139129","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/To_Whom_It_May_Concern_Shirt_2_-_flat_lay.jpg?v=1778187877"},{"product_id":"abandon-my-humanity-shirt","title":"'Abandon My Humanity' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome days you're a functional adult. Some days you're seriously considering becoming a crab. Low center of gravity, no emotional vulnerability, armored on all sides: the arrangement is looking pretty good from here. Let the scuttling begin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou don't have to be a person forever. The option to become a crab remains open.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624172023865,"sku":"44624172023865","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624172056633,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624172089401,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624172122169,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624172154937,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Abandon_My_Humanity_Shirt.jpg?v=1777406127"},{"product_id":"taking-my-leave-shirt","title":"'Taking My Leave' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou said the weird thing. Everyone heard it. Now it's time to go. If you've ever texted \"sorry if that was weird\" more than once in a week, this shirt is already yours spiritually — you're just making it official. People will read it and immediately think of a specific moment in their own life. That's how you know it works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou've made it awkward. Might as well memorialize it with a shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624173891641,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624173924409,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624173957177,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624173989945,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624174022713,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Taking_My_Leave_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385189"},{"product_id":"full-of-microplastics-shirt","title":"'Full of Microplastics' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe frog is cute and also 12% plastic by volume. Same as you. Same as every living thing that has consumed food or breathed air in the last forty years. The existential dread is a bonus feature that ships with the microplastics. You didn't sign up for either but here you both are: lightly contaminated, holding it together, being adorable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who have accepted the bioaccumulation and are choosing to remain charming.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624176185401,"sku":"44624176185401","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624176218169,"sku":"44624176218169","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624176250937,"sku":"44624176250937","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624176283705,"sku":"44624176283705","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624176316473,"sku":"44624176316473","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Full_of_Microplastics_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402602"},{"product_id":"a-silly-goose-shirt","title":"'A Silly Goose' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis goose used to be silly. 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The greeting is technically hostile. The frog is affectionate about it. In the frog's world, \"dickheads\" is the honorific you use for the people you actually like. The frog knows its audience. You, reading this, have been greeted.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose close friends get roasted daily, and who consider that the highest form of devotion.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624177299513,"sku":"WC-HOWDYDICKHEADS-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624177332281,"sku":"WC-HOWDYDICKHEADS-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624177365049,"sku":"WC-HOWDYDICKHEADS-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624177397817,"sku":"WC-HOWDYDICKHEADS-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624177430585,"sku":"WC-HOWDYDICKHEADS-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Howdy_Dickheads_Shirt.jpg?v=1777417445"},{"product_id":"staying-hydrated-shirt","title":"'Staying Hydrated' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis raccoon is not doing wellness. This raccoon is doing strategy. Every glass of water is a commitment to longevity. The plan is to simply remain on earth after certain specific people have left it. Petty? Yes. Effective? Also yes. Eight glasses a day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose self-care is competitive.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624182575161,"sku":"WC-STAYHYDRATE-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624182607929,"sku":"WC-STAYHYDRATE-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624182640697,"sku":"WC-STAYHYDRATE-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624182673465,"sku":"WC-STAYHYDRATE-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624182706233,"sku":"WC-STAYHYDRATE-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Staying_Hydrated_Shirt_2b480892-8287-4ae6-96bb-30a0ef2cdca8.jpg?v=1777412205"},{"product_id":"reject-modernity-shirt","title":"'Reject Modernity' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eModernity wanted you in an ergonomic chair with a skincare routine and a retirement plan. The goblin proposed an alternative: a hole, a weird object, and no responsibilities. The goblin won. The rest of us are just catching up. Ergonomics are out. Being a little creature is in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose ideal evening involves a hoard and some gentle cackling.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624183820345,"sku":"WC-REJECTMODERNITY-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624183853113,"sku":"WC-REJECTMODERNITY-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624183885881,"sku":"WC-REJECTMODERNITY-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624183918649,"sku":"WC-REJECTMODERNITY-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624183951417,"sku":"WC-REJECTMODERNITY-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Reject_Modernity_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390921"},{"product_id":"yes-im-creative-shirt","title":"'Yes, I'm Creative' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe opossum paints. It sculpts. More notably, it's an absolute genius at generating new personal catastrophes where none previously existed. Some call it a curse. The opossum prefers \"art practice.\" Its latest work is a complicated situation no one asked for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose creative output is mostly just handmade chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624184967225,"sku":"WC-YESIMCREATIVE-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624184999993,"sku":"WC-YESIMCREATIVE-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624185032761,"sku":"WC-YESIMCREATIVE-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624185065529,"sku":"WC-YESIMCREATIVE-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624185098297,"sku":"WC-YESIMCREATIVE-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Yes_I_m_Creative_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390936"},{"product_id":"got-that-dog-shirt","title":"'Got That Dog' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\"Got that dog in me\" is a bold claim from someone whose top speed maxes out at 0.2 mph.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis design gets you: the grindset energy of a creature that takes 45 minutes to cross a yard. If you've ever described yourself as \"motivated\" while still in bed at 2pm, this is your shirt. Expect people to read it, look at the turtle, and laugh harder than they expected to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou'll get to the checkout eventually. No rush.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783183929,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783216697,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783249465,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783282233,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783315001,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Got_That_Dog_Shirt_bdc482be-3242-42a8-904a-f441dc3cc111.jpg?v=1777385593"},{"product_id":"may-be-dumb-shirt","title":"'May Be Dumb' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe most honest thing you'll wear all week. There's a confidence to admitting this publicly. It's disarming, it's stupid in the best way, and you already know at least three people in your life who need one too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou may be dumb. But you're not too dumb to hit add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783544377,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783577145,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783609913,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783642681,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783675449,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/May_Be_Dumb_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385164"},{"product_id":"overstepped-my-boundaries-shirt","title":"'Overstepped My Boundaries' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe goose has crossed a line. The goose is aware of this. Rather than apologize, the goose has decided to frame the incident as \"being a silly goose.\" Everyone knows what the goose did. The goose's defense is disarmingly cute. Somehow, it's going to work. It always does.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose go-to apology is \"oopsie\" and who have weaponized being harmless-looking.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783708217,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783740985,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783773753,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783806521,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783839289,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Overstepped_My_Boundaries_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402610"},{"product_id":"dont-worry-shirt","title":"'Don't Worry' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe frog is serene. It's also deeply aware that nothing is going to plan, everything is a little on fire, and nobody in charge knows what they're doing. The frog has made peace with it, and so can you. Control is a story we tell ourselves. The frog knows this and the frog is fine. You'll also be fine. Eventually. Probably.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who let go of the wheel a long time ago and noticed the car kept driving.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712784232505,"sku":"44712784232505","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712784265273,"sku":"44712784265273","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712784298041,"sku":"44712784298041","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712784330809,"sku":"44712784330809","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712784363577,"sku":"44712784363577","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Don_t_Worry_Shirt.png?v=1777295991"},{"product_id":"failure-is-an-option-shirt","title":"'Failure Is An Option' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe word NOT is crossed out. The opossum is being honest. Failure IS an option, and the opossum will be selecting it today, but not without effort. There will be a brief attempt, there will be trying. The attempt will, statistically, fall short. You've been there. You've given it a go. Nobody can say you didn't show up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who understand that showing up is 80% of the battle, and that's where we stopped counting.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712784724025,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712784756793,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712784789561,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712784822329,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712784855097,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Failure_Is_An_Option_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390910"},{"product_id":"thanks-your-honor-shirt","title":"'Thanks Your Honor' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe frog is in court. It's been found guilty. Rather than fight the ruling, the frog has offered a quick apology: sincere in tone, suspicious in detail, and almost certainly a lie. The court knows. The frog knows the court knows. Everyone is being very polite about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose apologies have a certain wink-and-nod quality, for reasons they'd rather not get into.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785215545,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785248313,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785281081,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785313849,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785346617,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Thanks_Your_Honor_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385191"},{"product_id":"botched-the-ritual-shirt","title":"'Botched The Ritual' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou followed the instructions. Mostly. The candles were correct. The chant was approximately right. What emerged is fine, honestly. It has teeth. It answers when you call. It's polite. A little snaggle-fanged around the edges. Not what was promised but you've grown attached.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSilly guys do silly rituals. The important thing is that you tried.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785379385,"sku":"44712785379385","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785412153,"sku":"44712785412153","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785444921,"sku":"44712785444921","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785477689,"sku":"44712785477689","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785510457,"sku":"44712785510457","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Botched_The_Ritual_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402594"},{"product_id":"severe-case-shirt","title":"'Severe Case' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the shirt for everyone who's moved past anger, past bargaining, past all of it, and landed somewhere between acceptance and a shrug. The skeleton gets it. You get it. The people who read your shirt will get it, pause, and then say \"yeah, same.\" There's no recovering from this diagnosis, baby. It's terminal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eIt is what it is. Add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785903673,"sku":"44712785903673","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785936441,"sku":"44712785936441","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785969209,"sku":"44712785969209","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712786001977,"sku":"44712786001977","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712786034745,"sku":"44712786034745","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Severe_Case_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385181"},{"product_id":"believe-in-myself-shirt","title":"'Believe In Myself' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eSelf-belief is a hard sell when you're the one who keeps making the decisions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eEvery motivational poster tells you to believe in yourself, but nobody accounts for the fact that you're the common denominator in all your worst situations. This shirt gets that. People will read it, laugh, and then get a little too quiet because it hit close to home. That's how you know it's good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eTreat yourself to this shirt. Trust me. 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