{"title":"Bestsellers","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"memento-mori-shirt","title":"'Memento Mori' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMemento mori. The oldest reminder that none of this is permanent. It's not morbid, i's honest. Crow, skull, roses: every element here has been a symbol of mortality for centuries, and they still go harder than anything modern design has come up with. This is the shirt for people who find death more interesting than unsettling, and who've never needed to explain why.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eRemember you will die. Might as well look good until then. Buy the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":12077015892025,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Shirt-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":12077015924793,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Shirt-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":12077015957561,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Shirt-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":12077015990329,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Shirt-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":12077016023097,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Shirt-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Memento_Mori_Shirt_3481adc8-6843-45a8-bbbd-3648e7787108.jpg?v=1778017974"},{"product_id":"memento-mori-hoodie","title":"'Memento Mori' Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eA raven standing on a skull with roses, the whole tableau rendered on something you'll wear on the walk to get coffee. Memento mori isn't just decoration. It's a small practice you carry around. The hoodie makes the reminder constant, portable, and for most of the year, your primary jacket.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft hoodie, unisex fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA memento mori hoodie for people whose wardrobe also functions as a philosophical discipline.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":16369217175609,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Hoodie-S","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":16369217208377,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Hoodie-M","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":16369217241145,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Hoodie-L","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":16369217273913,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Hoodie-XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":16369217306681,"sku":"WC-MementoMori-Hoodie-2XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Memento_Mori_Hoodie.jpg?v=1777412223"},{"product_id":"lets-get-stoned-shirt","title":"'Let's Get Stoned' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eA pun with two layers, one of them literal. Medusa's gaze is an opening statement. Her proposal is clear. She's had a long week, she's got the snakes under control, and she'd like to settle in for the evening. Lock eyes at your own risk. The risk, for some, is the appeal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who were obsessed with mythology in third grade and never really outgrew it.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"50+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":18716622716985,"sku":"WC-GetStoned-Shirt-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":18716622782521,"sku":"WC-GetStoned-Shirt-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":18716622815289,"sku":"WC-GetStoned-Shirt-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":18716622848057,"sku":"WC-GetStoned-Shirt-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":18716622880825,"sku":"WC-GetStoned-Shirt-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/products\/lets-get-stoned-2.png?v=1762199225"},{"product_id":"everything-is-gonna-be-okay-shirt","title":"'Gonna Be Okay' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Unisex fit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Made of 100% cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Pre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Premium screen-printed graphic tee\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Designed by skitchism\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEverything is gonna be okay. It's time to rest those old bones of yours for a little relaxation. We're going to mix Halloween with summer.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"10+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":19149751189561,"sku":"WC-GonnaBe-Shirt-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":19149751222329,"sku":"WC-GonnaBe-Shirt-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":19149751255097,"sku":"WC-GonnaBe-Shirt-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":19149751287865,"sku":"WC-GonnaBe-Shirt-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":19149751320633,"sku":"WC-GonnaBe-Shirt-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":19149751353401,"sku":"WC-GonnaBe-Shirt-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Gonna_Be_Okay_Skeleton_Model.jpg?v=1780595012"},{"product_id":"anxiety-hoodie","title":"'Anxiety' Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eA squiggly little ghost spelling out the word you've been meaning to say aloud for years, now rendered across the front of a full hoodie. Pull the hood over your head, stick your hands in the pocket, look up from inside the hoodie like a concerned marshmallow. The ghost gets it. The hood is a portable blanket.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft hoodie, unisex fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAn anxiety hoodie for people whose primary coping mechanism is disappearing into cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"100+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":31394810691641,"sku":"WC-Anxiety-Hoodie-S","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":31394810724409,"sku":"WC-Anxiety-Hoodie-M","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":31394810757177,"sku":"WC-Anxiety-Hoodie-L","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":31394810789945,"sku":"WC-Anxiety-Hoodie-XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":31394810822713,"sku":"WC-Anxiety-Hoodie-2XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Anxiety_Hoodie.jpg?v=1777412218"},{"product_id":"mothman-shirt","title":"'Mothman' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eHave you seen the MOTHMAN? We need to talk about cryptid power rankings, because Bigfoot is overrated. What's the big deal? Some big feet, a little reclusive, loves forests. If we're going to talk cryptids, give Mothman the attention he's earned: part moth, part man, interdimensional, possibly here to warn us of impending tragedy. That's a much more interesting paranormal figure.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who have a favorite cryptid and aren't afraid to rank the rest.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"200+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":31726151958585,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SHIRT-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":31726151991353,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":31726152024121,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":31726152056889,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":31726152089657,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":31726152122425,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Mothman_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385170"},{"product_id":"mothman-sweatshirt","title":"'Mothman' Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eHave you seen...the MOTHMAN? Okay, I'll just say it: Bigfoot is overrated. What's the big deal? Big feet, a little reclusive, loves forests. If we're ranking cryptids, Mothman deserves the spotlight: part moth, part man, interdimensional, possibly here to warn us of impending tragedy. Now printed across a sweatshirt with small individual moths running down the sleeves. The commitment goes all the way to the wrists.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft sweatshirt, unisex fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA Mothman sweatshirt for people whose cryptid power rankings are very much settled.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"500+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":31726152155193,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SWEATSHIRT-S","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":31726152187961,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SWEATSHIRT-M","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":31726152220729,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SWEATSHIRT-L","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":31726152253497,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SWEATSHIRT-XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":31726152286265,"sku":"WC-MOTHMAN-SWEATSHIRT-2XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Mothman_Terror_From_The_Skies_Cryptid_Sweatshirt.jpg?v=1777760002"},{"product_id":"i-have-really-cool-tattoos-under-here-but-im-cold-hoodie","title":"'Cool Tattoos' Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe tattoos are real. Hours in the chair, months of planning, a meaningful amount of money, a lot of thought. They are also, for about six months of the year, hidden under this hoodie. The text is a public service announcement: the work exists, the wearer still wants you to know, and spring cannot come fast enough.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft hoodie, unisex fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA cool tattoos hoodie for people whose ink is hiding but would love a shoutout anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":36974342635577,"sku":"WC-COOLTATTOOS-HOODIE-S","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":36974342668345,"sku":"WC-COOLTATTOOS-HOODIE-M","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":36974342701113,"sku":"WC-COOLTATTOOS-HOODIE-L","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":36974342733881,"sku":"WC-COOLTATTOOS-HOODIE-XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":36974342766649,"sku":"WC-COOLTATTOOS-HOODIE-2XL","price":49.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/CopyofCopyofUntitledDesign-13.png?v=1762199743"},{"product_id":"serial-killer-documentaries-and-chill-shirt","title":"'Serial Killer Documentaries' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eAnyone down for serial killer documentaries and chill? I get why someone might want to watch a rom-com. Lighthearted, funny, nice, relaxing. But sometimes it's just a little too cheery. On a Friday night I'd rather cozy up with something a little more foreboding. I can't wind down from my afternoon true crime podcast with showtunes. I only feel calm when I'm filled with dread.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose idea of self-care is a very specific kind of unease.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":36980522123321,"sku":"WC-SKD-SHIRT-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":36980522156089,"sku":"WC-SKD-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":36980522188857,"sku":"WC-SKD-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":36980522221625,"sku":"WC-SKD-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":36980522254393,"sku":"WC-SKD-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":36980522287161,"sku":"WC-SKD-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Serial_Killer_Documentaries_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402619"},{"product_id":"true-crime-club-shirt","title":"'True Crime Club' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eFriday night. Someone brought snacks. Someone brought theories. Someone brought a floor plan of a house from 1987. The club has a methodology now. The club has merchandise. Every member knows at least two things about criminal forensics they should not casually know. You're home.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose podcast queue is 80% unsolved cases and 20% resolved cases they're revisiting.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"50+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":39310127398969,"sku":"WC-TRUECRIMECLUB-SHIRT-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":39310127431737,"sku":"WC-TRUECRIMECLUB-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":39310127464505,"sku":"WC-TRUECRIMECLUB-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Large","offer_id":39310127497273,"sku":"WC-TRUECRIMECLUB-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":39310127530041,"sku":"WC-TRUECRIMECLUB-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39310127562809,"sku":"WC-TRUECRIMECLUB-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/True_Crime_Club_Shirt.jpg?v=1777406144"},{"product_id":"born-criminal-shirt","title":"'Born Criminal' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThat mask! Those dexterous little hands! This raccoon was engineered by nature itself to commit minor crimes and nobody is going to convince it otherwise. Every garbage can is a bank vault. Every unattended porch package is a heist in progress. You've been rooting for the raccoon the whole time and you know it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSolidarity with the trash panda industrial complex.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":39482698858553,"sku":"WC-BORNCRIMINAL-SHIRT-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":39482698891321,"sku":"WC-BORNCRIMINAL-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":39482698924089,"sku":"WC-BORNCRIMINAL-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":39482698956857,"sku":"WC-BORNCRIMINAL-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":39482698989625,"sku":"WC-BORNCRIMINAL-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39482699022393,"sku":"WC-BORNCRIMINAL-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Born_Criminal_Shirt.jpg?v=1777406130"},{"product_id":"live-fast-eat-trash-shirt","title":"'Live Fast, Eat Trash' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe raccoon has achieved the dream. Zero responsibility, infinite snacks, aesthetic rebellion built in from birth. Sunglasses at night because reasons. A pink backdrop because sure. Nobody teaches you how to live fast and eat trash. The raccoon came out of the womb already doing it. You've been learning from the master.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who have always felt a deep, unspoken kinship with the creature tipping over your neighbor's bin at 3am.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"500+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":39760383836217,"sku":"WC-LFET-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":39760383868985,"sku":"WC-LFET-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":39760383901753,"sku":"WC-LFET-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":39760383934521,"sku":"WC-LFET-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39760383967289,"sku":"WC-LFET-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Live_Fast_Eat_Trash_Shirt_bcb2b62c-cf6b-46a7-8d09-013b7595756d.jpg?v=1777937684"},{"product_id":"purely-spite-shirt","title":"'Purely Spite' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eNot for joy. Not for hope. Not for purpose. The survival is sheer stubbornness. The universe has tried to wear you down and you have, with a sort of gritted defiance, refused. Spite is a renewable energy source. Spite pays bills. Spite gets you out of bed. Spite is underrated.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose entire personality is \"I'll show you,\" directed at no one in particular.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"300+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":39760388358201,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SHIRT-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":39760388390969,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":39760388423737,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":39760388456505,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":39760388489273,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39760388522041,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Purely_Spite_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385177"},{"product_id":"spooky-boop-shirt","title":"'Spooky Boop' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNot even death can stop you from booping the cat. That's commitment. That's devotion. This is the Sistine Chapel ceiling for people who think Renaissance art peaked too early and needed more cats. It's simple, it's clean, and it will make every cat person you encounter look at your chest and silently nod in solidarity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBoop the nose. Buy the shirt. In whatever order feels right.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"500+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":39814329401401,"sku":"WC-SPOOKYBOOP-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":39814329434169,"sku":"WC-SPOOKYBOOP-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":39814329466937,"sku":"WC-SPOOKYBOOP-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":39814329499705,"sku":"WC-SPOOKYBOOP-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39814329532473,"sku":"WC-SPOOKYBOOP-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Spooky_Boop_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385186"},{"product_id":"discount-bats-shirt","title":"'Discount Bats' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSomeone has too many bats. The price reflects this. There's a phone number. You don't ask questions when bats are on clearance: you answer the ad. You take home five bats. They are grateful, they are very normal bats with no unusual qualities, and the important thing is they are CHEAP.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the people who were absolutely going to rescue a bat anyway.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"100+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":39856529178681,"sku":"WC-DISCBATS-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":39856529244217,"sku":"WC-DISCBATS-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":39856529276985,"sku":"WC-DISCBATS-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":39856529309753,"sku":"WC-DISCBATS-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39856529342521,"sku":"WC-DISCBATS-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Discount_Bats_White_Model.jpg?v=1780594999"},{"product_id":"salem-brooms-shirt","title":"'Salem Brooms' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Unisex fit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Made of 100% cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Pre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Premium screen-printed graphic tee\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Designed by Thiago Corrêa\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"50+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40120186634297,"sku":"WC-SalemBrooms-Shirt-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40120186699833,"sku":"WC-SalemBrooms-Shirt-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40120186732601,"sku":"WC-SalemBrooms-Shirt-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40120186765369,"sku":"WC-SalemBrooms-Shirt-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40120186798137,"sku":"WC-SalemBrooms-Shirt-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Salem_Brooms_Model.jpg?v=1780595003"},{"product_id":"oddities-shirt","title":"'Oddities' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome people collect stamps. This person collects small skeletons in jars, labeled specimens, two-headed mystery creatures, and other items that make guests uncomfortable in a fun way. The cabinet of curiosities is back in fashion because the world was always strange and pretending otherwise got boring.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose shelves are sorted by vibe, not alphabet.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"100+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40125711712313,"sku":"WC-Oddities-Shirt-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40125711745081,"sku":"WC-Oddities-Shirt-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40125711777849,"sku":"WC-Oddities-Shirt-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40125711810617,"sku":"WC-Oddities-Shirt-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40125711843385,"sku":"WC-Oddities-Shirt-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Copy_of_Copy_of_Magnetic_-78.png?v=1762200137"},{"product_id":"sound-of-existential-dread-shirt","title":"'Sound of Existential Dread' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThere is a specific sound the universe makes when you remember everything you have to do tomorrow. It is quiet, constant, and lives inside your rib cage. The skeleton hears it too. The cat also hears it. Nature is lovely. Nature does not drown it out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose quiet hike eventually produces an intrusive thought about an unpaid invoice.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"400+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":40334460387385,"sku":"WC-EXISTENTIALDREAD-SHIRT-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":40334460420153,"sku":"WC-EXISTENTIALDREAD-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40334460452921,"sku":"WC-EXISTENTIALDREAD-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40334460485689,"sku":"WC-EXISTENTIALDREAD-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40334460518457,"sku":"WC-EXISTENTIALDREAD-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40334460551225,"sku":"WC-EXISTENTIALDREAD-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Sound_of_Existential_Dread_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402623"},{"product_id":"staying-alive-shirt","title":"'Staying Alive' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe skeleton is already dead. The skeleton still needs coffee. The skeleton still shows up. The body is inessential to the routine. What keeps anyone going is really the ritual: hot drink, small inhale, steady forward motion. This is staying alive. The being alive part is secondary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who are, on most mornings, running purely on muscle memory and caffeine.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"300+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40363477991481,"sku":"WC-STAYINGALIVE-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40363478024249,"sku":"WC-STAYINGALIVE-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40363478057017,"sku":"WC-STAYINGALIVE-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40363478089785,"sku":"WC-STAYINGALIVE-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40363478122553,"sku":"WC-STAYINGALIVE-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Staying_Alive_Shirt.jpg?v=1777408281"},{"product_id":"death-by-overthinking-shirt","title":"'Death By Overthinking' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eReplaying that conversation from eight years ago where you said something a little embarrassing and hoped no one noticed. Maybe they didn't. But oh my god what if they did? What if everyone remembers? What if someone's retelling it RIGHT NOW? The skeleton is stuck in the same loop. Welcome. You have company down here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe epitaph writes itself. You've probably already workshopped it.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"300+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40363479171129,"sku":"WC-OVERTHINKING-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40363479203897,"sku":"WC-OVERTHINKING-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40363479236665,"sku":"WC-OVERTHINKING-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40363479269433,"sku":"WC-OVERTHINKING-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40363479302201,"sku":"WC-OVERTHINKING-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Death_By_Overthinking_Flat_Lay.jpg?v=1779374248"},{"product_id":"giddy-up-shirt","title":"'Giddy Up' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eAn opossum in a cowboy hat. That's the whole deal. No further context is needed. The opossum has made a decision about who it is now, and it is cowboy. Mount up. Mosey on. There are trash cans to investigate out west.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who are ready to ride into the sunset at approximately opossum speed.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40398636974137,"sku":"WC-GIDDYUP-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40398637006905,"sku":"WC-GIDDYUP-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40398637039673,"sku":"WC-GIDDYUP-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40398637072441,"sku":"WC-GIDDYUP-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40398637105209,"sku":"WC-GIDDYUP-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Giddy_Up_Shirt.jpg?v=1777408270"},{"product_id":"go-away-shirt","title":"'Go Away' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Unisex fit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Made of 100% cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Pre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Premium screen-printed graphic tee\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Designed by Tittybats\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"200+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40398637334585,"sku":"WC-GOAWAY-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40398637367353,"sku":"WC-GOAWAY-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40398637400121,"sku":"WC-GOAWAY-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40398637432889,"sku":"WC-GOAWAY-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40398637465657,"sku":"WC-GOAWAY-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Go_Away_Crab_Model.jpg?v=1780595014"},{"product_id":"purely-spite-sweatshirt","title":"'Purely Spite' Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSweatshirts are unisex, women may want to order a size down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePrinted on Gildan sweatshirts.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDesigned by Matt Darling\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"200+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40733192028217,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SWEATSHIRT-S","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40733192060985,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SWEATSHIRT-M","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40733192093753,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SWEATSHIRT-L","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40733192126521,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SWEATSHIRT-XL","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40733192159289,"sku":"WC-PURELYSPITE-SWEATSHIRT-2X","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Purely_Spite_Sweatshirt_Heart.jpg?v=1780594992"},{"product_id":"live-laugh-love-sweatshirt","title":"'Live Laugh Love' Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSweatshirts are unisex, women may want to order a size down.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePrinted on Gildan sweatshirts.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDesigned by Malum and Mortis\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"100+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":40733193666617,"sku":"WC-LIVELAUGHLOVE-SWEATSHIRT-S","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":40733193699385,"sku":"WC-LIVELAUGHLOVE-SWEATSHIRT-M","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":40733193732153,"sku":"WC-LIVELAUGHLOVE-SWEATSHIRT-L","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":40733193764921,"sku":"WC-LIVELAUGHLOVE-SWEATSHIRT-XL","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":40733193797689,"sku":"WC-LIVELAUGHLOVE-SWEATSHIRT-2X","price":39.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Live_Laugh_Love_Sweatshirt.jpg?v=1778941799"},{"product_id":"work-is-trash-shirt","title":"'Work Is Trash' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe opossum has found a corner office. The rent is zero. The view is a loading dock. The opossum is salaried in scraps and is, frankly, crushing it. You will not see the opossum for the rest of the day. The opossum is in meetings, supposedly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose \"working from home\" is going great, thanks for asking.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"X-Small","offer_id":41043044958265,"sku":"WC-WORKISTRASH-SHIRT-XS","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Small","offer_id":41043044991033,"sku":"WC-WORKISTRASH-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":41043045023801,"sku":"WC-WORKISTRASH-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":41043045056569,"sku":"WC-WORKISTRASH-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":41043045089337,"sku":"WC-WORKISTRASH-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":41043045122105,"sku":"WC-WORKISTRASH-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Work_Is_Trash_Shirt.jpg?v=1777754541"},{"product_id":"hell-wont-take-me-shirt","title":"'Hell Won't Take Me' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis goose is too much. He's been rejected from the underworld on behavioral grounds. Picture the conversation: \"Sir, this is not about your sins, it's about your vibe.\" The goose returns to the mortal plane, emboldened, to continue the reign of terror. Your dog park is not ready.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who will not go silently into that good night.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"300+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":41276436971577,"sku":"WC-WONTTAKEME-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":41276437004345,"sku":"WC-WONTTAKEME-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":41276437037113,"sku":"WC-WONTTAKEME-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":41276437069881,"sku":"WC-WONTTAKEME-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":41276437102649,"sku":"WC-WONTTAKEME-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Hell_Won_t_Take_Me_Flat_Lay.jpg?v=1779374244"},{"product_id":"my-head-goes-shirt","title":"'My Head Goes' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Unisex fit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Made of 100% cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Pre-shrunk\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Premium screen-printed graphic tee\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e𖤐 Designed by Eduardo Ely\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"150+ SOLD RECENTLY","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":41292681740345,"sku":"WC-MYHEADGOES-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":41292681773113,"sku":"WC-MYHEADGOES-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":41292681805881,"sku":"WC-MYHEADGOES-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":41292681838649,"sku":"WC-MYHEADGOES-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":41292681871417,"sku":"WC-MYHEADGOES-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/My_Head_Goes_Goat_Model.jpg?v=1780595005"},{"product_id":"rooting-and-tooting-shirt","title":"'Rooting and Tooting' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe ghost has died. The ghost has gone west in the metaphysical sense. The ghost is absolutely still rootin'. The ghost is very much still tootin'. Death has not diminished the ghost's cowboy commitment. If anything, death has clarified it. Yee haw forever. The saddle awaits in the great beyond.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose enthusiasm cannot be interrupted by minor inconveniences like mortality.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":42936598233145,"sku":"WC-ROOTINGTOOTING-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":42936598265913,"sku":"WC-ROOTINGTOOTING-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":42936598298681,"sku":"WC-ROOTINGTOOTING-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":42936598331449,"sku":"WC-ROOTINGTOOTING-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":42936598364217,"sku":"WC-ROOTINGTOOTING-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Rooting_and_Tooting_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390923"},{"product_id":"mercy-is-for-the-weak-shirt","title":"'Mercy Is For The Weak' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eA frog. A mace. A clear philosophical position. The frog has considered its options and decided it will not be showing mercy today. The frog is serene about this. The mace is ready. Whatever is about to happen is going to be, frankly, the frog's business and the mace's business.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who keep a \"do not disturb\" grudge list in their heart at all times.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":43144372060217,"sku":"WC-MIFTW-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":43144372092985,"sku":"WC-MIFTW-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":43144372125753,"sku":"WC-MIFTW-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":43144372158521,"sku":"WC-MIFTW-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":43144372191289,"sku":"WC-MIFTW-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Mercy_Is_For_The_Weak_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390917"},{"product_id":"god-is-testing-me-shirt","title":"'God Is Testing Me' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe raccoon has received the assignment, reviewed the material, and declined. There is a textbook present. There is studying that could be done. The raccoon has chosen to lie flat and give up preemptively instead. God will respect the commitment. This is between you, God, and the raccoon now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose response to any challenge is \"absolutely not, but thanks.\"\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":43460252467257,"sku":"WC-GODISTESTINGME-SHIRT-SM","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":43460252500025,"sku":"WC-GODISTESTINGME-SHIRT-MD","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":43460252532793,"sku":"WC-GODISTESTINGME-SHIRT-LG","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":43460252565561,"sku":"WC-GODISTESTINGME-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":43460252598329,"sku":"WC-GODISTESTINGME-SHIRT-2X","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/God_Is_Testing_Me_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390915"},{"product_id":"it-is-what-it-is-shirt","title":"'It Is What It Is' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eAcceptance is the final stage of grief. Might as well get cozy there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is resigned optimism at its finest: a little frog, a little mushroom, a little tea, and the quiet acknowledgment that everything is bad but you're going to sit here and deal with it anyway. It's the shirt equivalent of smiling through a disaster, and honestly, people will relate to it harder than they'd like to admit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eEverything's terrible. Buy yourself a treat.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":43460299358265,"sku":"WC-ITISWHATITIS-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":43460299391033,"sku":"WC-ITISWHATITIS-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":43460299423801,"sku":"WC-ITISWHATITIS-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":43460299456569,"sku":"WC-ITISWHATITIS-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":43460299489337,"sku":"WC-ITISWHATITIS-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/It_Is_What_It_Is_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385155"},{"product_id":"no-gods-no-masters-shirt","title":"'No Gods, No Masters' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\"No gods, no masters\" is a classic. Adding \"only honks\" is an improvement no political theorist saw coming but everyone needed. Anarchism needed a mascot and the goose was already doing the work. Geese have never once respected authority. People will either get it instantly or stare at it confused, and both reactions are correct.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eReject hierarchy. Embrace honk. Add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":43460299980857,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":43460300013625,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":43460300046393,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":43460300079161,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":43460300111929,"sku":"WC-NOGODSNOMASTERS-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/No_Gods_No_Masters_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385172"},{"product_id":"the-horrors-are-never-ending-shirt","title":"'The Horrors Are Never Ending' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors are, in fact, never ending but you didn't need a shirt to tell you that. You did, however, need a shirt to tell everyone else how you're handling it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the unofficial uniform of everyone who's watched the world fall apart and responded by sending memes about it. People will read your chest, exhale through their nose, and say \"honestly, same.\" It's self-aware existential dread in the most wearable format possible. And somehow that's comforting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors aren't stopping. Neither should you. Add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44578480717881,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44578480750649,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44578480783417,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44578480816185,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44578480848953,"sku":"WC-HORRORSNEVERENDING-TEE-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/The_Horrors_Are_Never_Ending_Shirt_a8da1bff-92f6-4540-9cc3-88037ae0d445.jpg?v=1777937716"},{"product_id":"abandon-my-humanity-shirt","title":"'Abandon My Humanity' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eSome days you're a functional adult. Some days you're seriously considering becoming a crab. Low center of gravity, no emotional vulnerability, armored on all sides: the arrangement is looking pretty good from here. Let the scuttling begin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou don't have to be a person forever. The option to become a crab remains open.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624172023865,"sku":"44624172023865","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624172056633,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624172089401,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624172122169,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624172154937,"sku":"WC-HUMANITYCRAB-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Abandon_My_Humanity_Shirt.jpg?v=1777406127"},{"product_id":"get-this-bread-shirt","title":"'Get This Bread' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eNo one represents hustle culture better than pigeons. This is the shirt for anyone who's out here grinding but refuses to be serious about it. Wear it to work. Wear it to brunch. Watch people read it twice and then immediately ask where you got it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe bread isn't going to get itself.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624173137977,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624173170745,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624173203513,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624173236281,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624173269049,"sku":"WC-GETTHISBREAD-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Get_This_Bread_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385144"},{"product_id":"taking-my-leave-shirt","title":"'Taking My Leave' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou said the weird thing. Everyone heard it. Now it's time to go. If you've ever texted \"sorry if that was weird\" more than once in a week, this shirt is already yours spiritually — you're just making it official. People will read it and immediately think of a specific moment in their own life. That's how you know it works.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou've made it awkward. Might as well memorialize it with a shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624173891641,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624173924409,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624173957177,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624173989945,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624174022713,"sku":"WC-TAKINGMYLEAVE-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Taking_My_Leave_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385189"},{"product_id":"anguish-shirt","title":"'Anguish' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eA pigeon, captioned with a single devastating word. Nothing could portray anguish better than this pigeon. If you look up 'anguish' in the encyclopedia, there's a picture of this pigeon. If you look up 'pigeon' in the encyclopedia, there's a picture of some other pigeon because this particular pigeon's special due to its unique emotional depth of suffering. No one's going through it harder than this pigeon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBe the pigeon. Feel the anguish. Buy the shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624174317625,"sku":"44624174317625","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624174350393,"sku":"44624174350393","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624174383161,"sku":"44624174383161","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624174415929,"sku":"44624174415929","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624174448697,"sku":"44624174448697","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Anguish_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385129"},{"product_id":"a-silly-goose-shirt","title":"'A Silly Goose' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis goose used to be silly. Then the economy happened. Now the goose has reading glasses, a newspaper subscription, and is tracking macro indicators instead of chasing bread crumbs. This goose doesn't have time to be silly any more, this goose has obligations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor everyone who's still a silly goose at heart, even if they have too many responsibilities right now to let it show.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44624176775225,"sku":"44624176775225","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44624176807993,"sku":"44624176807993","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44624176840761,"sku":"44624176840761","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44624176873529,"sku":"44624176873529","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44624176906297,"sku":"44624176906297","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/A_Silly_Goose_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402589"},{"product_id":"countless-horrors-shirt","title":"'Countless Horrors' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe world is a nightmare but there's mozzarella sticks at the end of it, so here we are.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the life philosophy no one asked you to put on a shirt, but honestly it needed to be said. We're all just rats in an eldritch hellscape chasing whatever our cheese is. And the ones who know it are funnier than the ones who don't. This shirt tells people exactly where your priorities are. They'll respect it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe horrors aren't going anywhere. The cheese won't wait forever.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783020089,"sku":"44712783020089","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783052857,"sku":"44712783052857","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783085625,"sku":"44712783085625","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783118393,"sku":"44712783118393","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783151161,"sku":"44712783151161","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Countless_Horrors_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385140"},{"product_id":"got-that-dog-shirt","title":"'Got That Dog' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\"Got that dog in me\" is a bold claim from someone whose top speed maxes out at 0.2 mph.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis design gets you: the grindset energy of a creature that takes 45 minutes to cross a yard. If you've ever described yourself as \"motivated\" while still in bed at 2pm, this is your shirt. Expect people to read it, look at the turtle, and laugh harder than they expected to.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou'll get to the checkout eventually. No rush.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783183929,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783216697,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783249465,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783282233,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783315001,"sku":"WC-GOTTHATDOG-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Got_That_Dog_Shirt_bdc482be-3242-42a8-904a-f441dc3cc111.jpg?v=1777385593"},{"product_id":"may-be-dumb-shirt","title":"'May Be Dumb' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe most honest thing you'll wear all week. There's a confidence to admitting this publicly. It's disarming, it's stupid in the best way, and you already know at least three people in your life who need one too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou may be dumb. But you're not too dumb to hit add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783544377,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783577145,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783609913,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783642681,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783675449,"sku":"WC-MAYBEDUMB-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/May_Be_Dumb_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385164"},{"product_id":"overstepped-my-boundaries-shirt","title":"'Overstepped My Boundaries' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe goose has crossed a line. The goose is aware of this. Rather than apologize, the goose has decided to frame the incident as \"being a silly goose.\" Everyone knows what the goose did. The goose's defense is disarmingly cute. Somehow, it's going to work. It always does.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose go-to apology is \"oopsie\" and who have weaponized being harmless-looking.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712783708217,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712783740985,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712783773753,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712783806521,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712783839289,"sku":"WC-OVERSTEPPEDBOUNDARIES-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Overstepped_My_Boundaries_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402610"},{"product_id":"failure-is-an-option-shirt","title":"'Failure Is An Option' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe word NOT is crossed out. The opossum is being honest. Failure IS an option, and the opossum will be selecting it today, but not without effort. There will be a brief attempt, there will be trying. The attempt will, statistically, fall short. You've been there. You've given it a go. Nobody can say you didn't show up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who understand that showing up is 80% of the battle, and that's where we stopped counting.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712784724025,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712784756793,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712784789561,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712784822329,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712784855097,"sku":"WC-FAILUREISANOPTION-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Failure_Is_An_Option_Shirt.jpg?v=1777390910"},{"product_id":"shackles-of-society-shirt","title":"'Shackles of Society' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe crab is philosophically correct. It has identified the chains. The crab, tragically, is still clipped by the claw, still at the seafood counter, still very much in the system. Freedom is a concept the crab understands intellectually and will not be achieving today. Same, honestly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who are working within a structure they do not respect, because alternatives are limited.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785051705,"sku":"WC-SHACKLESOFSOCIETY-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785084473,"sku":"WC-SHACKLESOFSOCIETY-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785117241,"sku":"WC-SHACKLESOFSOCIETY-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785150009,"sku":"WC-SHACKLESOFSOCIETY-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785182777,"sku":"WC-SHACKLESOFSOCIETY-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Shackles_of_Society_Shirt.jpg?v=1777417449"},{"product_id":"thanks-your-honor-shirt","title":"'Thanks Your Honor' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe frog is in court. It's been found guilty. Rather than fight the ruling, the frog has offered a quick apology: sincere in tone, suspicious in detail, and almost certainly a lie. The court knows. The frog knows the court knows. Everyone is being very polite about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people whose apologies have a certain wink-and-nod quality, for reasons they'd rather not get into.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785215545,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785248313,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785281081,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785313849,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785346617,"sku":"WC-THANKSYOURHONOR-SHIRT-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Thanks_Your_Honor_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385191"},{"product_id":"botched-the-ritual-shirt","title":"'Botched The Ritual' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou followed the instructions. Mostly. The candles were correct. The chant was approximately right. What emerged is fine, honestly. It has teeth. It answers when you call. It's polite. A little snaggle-fanged around the edges. Not what was promised but you've grown attached.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSilly guys do silly rituals. The important thing is that you tried.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785379385,"sku":"44712785379385","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785412153,"sku":"44712785412153","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785444921,"sku":"44712785444921","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785477689,"sku":"44712785477689","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785510457,"sku":"44712785510457","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Botched_The_Ritual_Shirt.jpg?v=1777402594"},{"product_id":"reject-humanity-shirt","title":"'Reject Humanity' Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe plan is simple. Phase one: humanity. Phase two: crab. This creature is between phases, already convinced of the direction. Everything humans do is exhausting. Everything crabs do is walking sideways and vibing. The crab phase is clearly the upgrade. Get in while the molting is good.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who have done the math and found crabs doing better at this.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785739833,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-S","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785772601,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-M","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785805369,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-L","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712785838137,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712785870905,"sku":"WC-REJECTHUMANITY-2XL","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Reject_Humanity_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385179"},{"product_id":"severe-case-shirt","title":"'Severe Case' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThis is the shirt for everyone who's moved past anger, past bargaining, past all of it, and landed somewhere between acceptance and a shrug. The skeleton gets it. You get it. The people who read your shirt will get it, pause, and then say \"yeah, same.\" There's no recovering from this diagnosis, baby. It's terminal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eIt is what it is. Add to cart.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712785903673,"sku":"44712785903673","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712785936441,"sku":"44712785936441","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712785969209,"sku":"44712785969209","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712786001977,"sku":"44712786001977","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712786034745,"sku":"44712786034745","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Severe_Case_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385181"},{"product_id":"wrong-ice-ringer-shirt","title":"'Wrong ICE' Ringer Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eOne kind of ice is at risk. Another kind of ICE is not. This is a deliberate pun with a clear political position, delivered via a polar bear. The polar bear does not mince words. The polar bear has an opinion about climate policy AND immigration policy and you are going to hear both.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n  \u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor people who see the connection and would also like to say the quiet part loud.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712786231353,"sku":"44712786231353","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712786264121,"sku":"44712786264121","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712786296889,"sku":"44712786296889","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712786329657,"sku":"44712786329657","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712786362425,"sku":"44712786362425","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Wrong_ICE_Ringer_Shirt.jpg?v=1777412225"},{"product_id":"abolish-ice-shirt","title":"'Abolish ICE' Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eThe message is clear. The delivery is a little demon with a pitchfork. You already know where you stand on this. You don't need convincing, you need the shirt. It says what you'd say, but cuter, and without getting into a debate at Thanksgiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul class=\"[li_\u0026amp;]:mb-0 [li_\u0026amp;]:mt-1 [li_\u0026amp;]:gap-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ul]:pb-1 [\u0026amp;:not(:last-child)_ol]:pb-1 list-disc flex flex-col gap-1 pl-8 mb-3\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eSoft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eScreen-printed in the USA with premium ink\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"whitespace-normal break-words pl-2\"\u003eMachine wash cold, tumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eYou were going to wear your politics anyway. Might as well make it adorable.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"BRAND NEW","offers":[{"title":"Small","offer_id":44712837873721,"sku":"44712837873721","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Medium","offer_id":44712837906489,"sku":"44712837906489","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Large","offer_id":44712837939257,"sku":"44712837939257","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"X-Large","offer_id":44712837972025,"sku":"44712837972025","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44712838004793,"sku":"44712838004793","price":33.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0251\/5984\/files\/Abolish_ICE_Shirt.jpg?v=1777385127"}],"url":"https:\/\/www.wickedclothes.com\/collections\/bestsellers-collection.oembed","provider":"Wicked Clothes","version":"1.0","type":"link"}